


Hydra Recharge

by DoINeedAPenName



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Darcy is confused, F/M, Steve feels betrayed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-06
Updated: 2017-10-06
Packaged: 2019-01-09 20:24:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12283767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoINeedAPenName/pseuds/DoINeedAPenName
Summary: Steve Rogers liked to think he was pretty adaptable.  Nothing could have prepared him for what he discovered when Darcy moved in.





	Hydra Recharge

Steve Rogers liked to think he was pretty adaptable to anything the universe tried to throw at him.

Major physical changes due to scientific experiment? Sign him right up.

Resigning himself to death via freezing under the Arctic Circle, only to be defrosted and wake up 70 years in the future without aging a day? Science worked in mysterious ways.

Finding out his best friend didn’t die in 1945 and was alive and... not quite well, but potentially able to break his assassin conditioning and recover from 70 years worth of brainwashing? Well, he’d always been an optimist about overcoming the odds in the face of adversity.

Falling for the most 21st century girl he could ever imagine when it felt like the Depression was just a few short years ago?  The heart does what it wants.

Steve Rogers was born to a single mother in 1918 with every poor health condition imaginable and, against all odds, was now a superhero living in sin with his 26 year old girlfriend in 2017. Yeah...adaptable was one way of putting it.

But this...what he just discovered in one of the many boxes Darcy brought with her when she moved in two months ago and had yet to finish unpacking...he had no idea how to react to this.

He eyed the stack of nearly identical brown boxes lining the back wall of Darcy’s closet.  This could end very badly.

In a daze, Steve wandered out of Darcy’s closet and back into their bedroom, coming to a stop at the end of their bed where he sat down heavily.

He thought he knew Darcy. She was his girlfriend.  He  _loved_  her.  This all just seemed very unlike her.  And yet...the evidence seemed very clearly stacked against her right now.

Steve wasn’t sure how long he sat there in his stupor. Just that the front door slamming shut and Darcy’s overdramatized call of “Honey! I’m home!” jolted him out of it enough that he dropped the object he didn’t even realize he was still holding onto the floor at his feet.

“Steve?” Darcy’s voice called out again..  “Are  _you_  home?”

“In the bedroom,” Steve managed to reply, amazed his voice didn’t crack from lack of recent use.

Almost immediately, Steve’s enhanced hearing—now that he was actually paying attention to his surroundings—picked out the sound of Darcy approaching their room. Just as quickly, Steve began to panic internally.

How was he going to handle this?  It was unexpected and a complete shock, yes. But surely there had to be some kind of explanation...right?  Only...what if it was an explanation he wasn’t going to like?  Darcy was his girlfriend, and one day very soon he intended to make her his wife.  How could he get past a betrayal of this magnitude? Well...hypothetical betrayal. Because, even though he seriously doubted it at this point, maybe there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for Darcy’s actions?

This entire internal monologue lasted the short span of time it took Darcy to make her way through the apartment and into the bedroom.  As soon as she entered the room, he felt himself freeze.   _Just act natural_ , he tried to convince himself.

“How was your day off from Avenging?”  Darcy asked, shedding layers as she moved around the room removing rumpled work clothes and redressing in more comfortable clothes.  “I should have known you’d end up having the day free as soon as I called you last night to say I say I was going to stay and keep wrangling Jane overnight.”

“I thought I might get some cleaning done,” Steve replied carefully.  He was just going to have to wing it.

“Key word: ‘might,’ huh?”

“I...got distracted.”

“Story of my life.  But, on the plus side, it looks like you made it through the kitchen and living room before that happened.  I don’t think it’s looked so spotless out there since before I moved in.  And yes, I’m choosing to ignore what that implies about my housekeeping habits.”

“Speaking of you moving in, I found some boxes that never got unpacked...”

Darcy finally paused at that and turned to look at him.

“Dude. I swear I love you no matter what, but should I be concerned that you got distracted in my closet?”

Steve chose to ignore her obvious implication and arched brow in light of the fact that she clearly knew exactly which boxes he discovered.  This could go one of two ways: either she was going to play it off and pretend like the contents of the boxes were inconsequential, or she forgot what she had stashed in them.

He didn’t know what to think at this point.

“Is there a reason you have all those boxes?”  Steve asked. There was no sense in beating around the bush, after all. This was too serious a situation for that.

“Um, you remember what my old apartment looked like, right? And the very noticeable lack of space for pretty much anything? I’m pretty confident most of that entire apartment could fit in this closet. I’m using my resources wisely and utilizing my available storage space to my advantage, duh.”

Steve furrowed his brow. “But...why do you even have it?”

“I like stuff,” Darcy said with a shrug. “And I’m very attached to my stuff.  It’s a key part of who I am.”

“But...Darce...” Steve floundered helplessly. Could he really have so seriously misjudged her?  After what happened last time he put his complete faith and trust in someone?

Now it was Darcy’s turn to frown.

“Look, Steve,” she said slowly, “I know I’m a bit of a hoarder, but I thought we went over that when we first talked about living together. And I thought we were managing this whole cohabitation thing pretty well.  I didn’t think any of my stuff was getting too much in the way...”

And despite how confused and worried and slightly betrayed he was feeling, Steve’s heart ached at the hurt expression that crossed Darcy’s face as she spoke.

“Aw, Darce, don’t look at me like that,” he reached out for her hands and was beyond pleased when she accepted his advance.  “I’m sorry, doll.  I’m just...I’m so confused,” he finished lamely.

“Well that makes two of us, I think,” Darcy informed him tartly.  “What’s your deal with all my boxes?”

Knowing this was his moment, Steve let go of one of her hands and reached down for the object he’d dropped earlier. How she hadn’t noticed it lying there yet, he had no idea.

“Can you explain this?” He held it out to her.

Darcy looked down at the hand he was holding out and frowned.

“I only opened two of your boxes,” he admitted when she didn’t immediately answer his question.  “I was curious what you might still have to unpack and I figured I’d see if I could help out with it. But all I found was these. Dozens of them.  I’m assuming those aren’t the only two boxes full of them.”

Slowly, Darcy raised her eyes to meet his gaze again.  Her expression didn’t change.

“I don’t understand.  It’s...shampoo.”

“Is it, though?” Steve countered, drawing her attention back to the bottle he was holding.  “Is that  ** _all_**  this is?”

“What else would it be? I mean, there’s should be some conditioner, too.  Healthy hair is important.”

Steve sighed impatiently.  “Look closer.”

And maybe Darcy was finally caving. Maybe he should have started with his Captain Voice, as Tony liked to call it.  Because, almost involuntarily it seemed, Darcy’s gaze darted back down to the bottle he was holding.  He was watching her closely for any hint of a reaction, so he saw the exact moment she froze.  This was it. There was no hiding anymore.

Slowly, Darcy’s head came up once more, and when she locked eyes with him she finally lost it.

“Oh my gods. Steve.  You don’t—you seriously think—Oh. My. Gods.”

And then she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that she dropped his hand to clutch at her stomach with both of hers.  Tears started leaking out of the corners of her eyes. Her face began turning red and the color travelled down her neck.  And still she laughed.

Now it was Steve’s turn to freeze.

This...this was not the reaction he was expecting.

“ _Steve!_ ” Darcy finally managed to gasp out in between laughs, “Are you trying to ask me if I’m an undercover Hydra agent?  _That’s_  your takeaway from finding a few cases of shampoo and conditioner in my closet?”

“Well—just look at it!” Steve was floundering now. Maybe trusting his gut instinct wasn’t the best choice in every situation?  “What else was I supposed to think?”

Darcy have another snort of laughter and took a small step forward, dropping Steve’s hand as she did so in order to take the offensive shampoo bottle out of his other hand.

“It’s my favorite...flavor?  I guess? I always struggle with this because scent isn’t quite the word I’m looking for, but flavor definitely isn’t either because that implies I’m going to eat it, which I’m definitely not, but at the same time I still feel like flavor _is_ the best descriptor for it. But anyway— _Hydra Recharge_  is my favorite flavor of shampoo.”

As tended to happen when Darcy got really wound up and went off on one of her tangents, Steve did all he could to keep up with her rapid speech and had to take a moment to recover. Plus, it didn’t hurt that he was still wrapping his head around the unexpected twist this confrontation had taken.

Darcy took advantage of his silence to continue.

“Besides, it’s not like this is even a new thing. I’ve been using this stuff for years; since long before I ever met you.”

“What?  But I’ve never seen this before. And trust me, I think I would have noticed something with the word ‘Hydra’ across it in big, bright letters.”

“Steve. Please. Take a moment to think about all the times you’ve ‘helped me wash my hair.’  I’m definitely  _not_  complaining, but you’ve also definitely never helped me  _actually_  wash my hair.”

Steve couldn’t help the smirk that crossed his face at the memories her words stirred up.

“Ok, I’ll concede on that one,” he allowed. “You make a compelling argument.”

“Don’t I always?” Darcy gave him a lascivious smile of her own.

“But...to cut me some slack here,” Steve couldn’t help but continue, “When you say ‘years’...?”

“I got a free sample of it when I lived in the dorms at Culver. And, against all odds—or, more likely because I was a poor college student—I actually used the free sample. And I really liked it.  So I started buying it. But then I found out they were discontinuing it.  And that was by far the most tragic day of my life because, as I’m sure you can personally attest to, my hair does not like to be tamed, but this shampoo seems to work miracles on it. Anyway, I found out it was being discontinued, and by this point I’d actually worked my way up to monetarily compensated assistant, so I did the only reasonable thing I could think of with my meager funds: I started stocking up.  Target...Walmart...Amazon: I hit them all up, in person and online.  I was a woman on a mission and those boxes are the culmination of my efforts...along with some strongly worded letters to the manufacturer about their poor life choices.”

When Darcy finally fell silent, Steve wasn’t sure what to think at first.  Except...

“So...it’s really just shampoo?”

“ _Miracle-working_  shampoo.  And conditioner. Can’t forget about the conditioner; that’s important, too.”

“I think I need a drink,” Steve stated succinctly.

“Nuh-uh, mister,” Darcy said immediately, holding up her free hand to stop him from leaving, though he hadn’t made a move to get up.  “Completely ignoring the tragedy that we both know alcohol does nothing for you, I believe you’re overlooking something here.  I have been wrongly accused of being a Nazi sympathizer by you, my dear Captain, and I believe I am owed some retribution.”

Steve swallowed nervously.  “Just what do you have in mind?”

“Well, for starters, it’s been a long day. You can help me wash my hair.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

 

 

Yes, Steve Rogers was usually pretty adaptable. But having Darcy Lewis in his life was definitely bound to keep him on his toes.


End file.
